Hollywood Dental

You know that place in every Midwest mall called L.A. Nails? The one with the gargantuan plastic hand in the window displaying garish designs with palm trees? I think I just visited the dentistry industry's equivalent.

The floors and counter surfaces were ultra-polished granite. Each chair was sectioned off by glamorous looking dental workstations with their own stainless steel sink. In place of soap dispensers, there's a mouthwash dispenser. Instead of staring at a framed picture of mass-produced art, I stared at a vase stuffed with fake pink flowers and a tiny TV screen hooked up to a DVD player and speakers the size of its screen.

Keep in mind that the office is located in an aging, dumpy office complex in desperate need of renovation. Picture kick marks on all the kick boards, worn frayed carpet, and the vague impression of asbestos in all the walls (though I'd like to think that's not the case in a medical office complex).

The general theme is superficially beautiful. Perfect for a dentist, no? This is how I always pictured California. For all I know it doubles as a breast implant clinic on the weekends. I was far more comfortable in the Arden Hills, MN office where they spent all their money on a computerized filing system instead of granite floors. Actually the dentist himself was friendly enough, though he had the softest handshake in the world. It was probably calculated; you don't really want a dentist who starts hurting you before he even begins poking around your mouth.

For the rest of the morning I was trapped watching Beethoven's 5th. Twice. All in all very unpleasant, especially since I'll be returning to have another cavity filled.