Friday, September 09, 2005


Why is it considered a desirable personal trait to stoically face someone begging for forgiveness? I know it's important, but wow, I'm awful at it.

As I type, my daughter is in convulsive sobs, on the brink of deep sleep. I have to grit my teeth and watch the clock not to run in there and comfort her. At what point does it cease being tough love and become inhumane?

At school, I had my first observation last week, and I'm dreading the results. Every person who walks into my Lord of the Flies classroom pulls me aside afterwards and tells me I have to reinvent myself. Changing seating charts, procedures, consequences, even the words I use, I can do. I'm ready and willing. But change my personality? It's not in me to scream and yell. It's not worth it to me to lose my self dignity and compromise the very reason I became a teacher, to help people who need it.

I don't consider myself weak, just too nice. I want to treat people, even very young ones, with respect and courtesy. I want to make it clear to students that they choose their behavior, not that they must submit to authority.

Poor girl. 20 minutes is my breaking point.


Blogger mal said...

Been there, did that and I still have no sage advice for you. Seems we all have to find our own way with our kids

Good luck on the new school year, seems the first few weeks are the most difficult

7:18 PM  

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