10 days

It is a frightening epiphany to realize the disconnect between what people think you know and what you actually know.

When I came home from the hospital in September, I remember thinking that I had no clue how to take care of this tiny person we'd named Laura. I mean, besides the mountain of books I'd read, the advice a dozen nurses had given me, and my mother en route to relive her own adventures in baby-care, I had no clue.

I had much the same feeling when I began teaching. A friend finishing up med school now and another in his first job at a law firm tell me they feel likewise. Even more disturbing than facing my own ignorance, is the realization that my own parents, teachers, doctors, and lawyers (ok, so I don't have a lawyer) were also learning as they go.

These are all very bright people, don't get me wrong. I'd rather have a doctor who knows how to intelligently go about solving problems than one who's memorized a few solutions to a few well-known problems. That's what we're taught to teach, too--critical thinking and all that jazz. Knowing how to question is more valuable than simply knowing what the answer is.

But the irony is almost unbearable. In ten days, I leave my child with someone licensed in childcare. In ten days, I begin teaching The Outsiders to children who know a lot more than me about gangs and outsiders.

Are we capable? Yes. Am I skeptical? Very.

Good bye, maternity leave. It's been fun.